birthday run begins

The annual family mega birthday run began on Friday. There are three birthdays between then and two weeks from now. Three cakes, three family gatherings, three special meals, three gift shopping trips, three people passing yet another milestone in their lives.

Fun time in the Brown family!

i’ve been asleep for a while.

Well, sort of.

I made one last post in my blog way back in June and then nothing.

It’s not that I had nothing to say, or share, or record. It was just, you know …. stuff. A culmination of things. Some I’ll talk about later, some I may never tell. Part of the problem was the inability to know what, or how to write some of what was in my heart. Then I just couldn’t write it out for fear of . . . Well, just fear. Then the desire to write . . . just . . . left.

Life got busy. Time got small. Then there just seemed to be no time.

No, to be brutally truthful, I didn’t want to make time for writing, or blogging in particular. I was afraid of what my fingers would spew forth. I’m not very good at controlling my fingers. Sometimes they say and do things I wish I could have left unsaid, or undone . . . or . . . just kept secret.

It is what it is though … When fingers need to write you have to let them. When fingers don’t want to write, sometimes you must force them anyway. Other times, when you shouldn’t, you just sit on your fingers and hope the words will quiet. The thoughts will go away. The message won’t need to be released. You can “keep it secret, keep it safe”, as Gandalf the Grey once said to Frodo back in The Shire, before the secret came out, and all the trouble began.

Fortunately … at the time, when the time to write was finally back, the drive to blog, write, scribble, knit, sew . . . or anything . . . was just gone. Secretly I was glad. The burden was lifted and I revelled in the rebellion of it all.

About the only drives I had left were to seek out Jesus, spend time with my children, visit my dear ones, sit on the beach, and read about the made up life and times of Sherlock Holmes.

Honestly, I’m not really sure if the drive to write is back, so much as I just know I need to write again. It’s time to stop sitting on my fingers. This whether I want to or not.

So here I am …. writing.

I suspect in the beginning it’s not going to be all that exciting really. Most likely it will be down right boring. Maybe I’ll just create a few diary like entries. Mostly to chronicle the major events of the last four months. Like I said though, who knows what my fingers will really do.

For tonight in true procrastination style . . . I’ll start tomorrow . . . I hope. At least that is the plan today.

???? photo week out of 52

Lost track of the photos now. I missed a week here and there, so we are now just putting them up when I hopefully remember to. Sad, I know, but well it’s also very honest and I do try to live my life honestly.

So here’s the newest members of our pet family.Meet, JORJA (pronounced like Georgia. She’s the black kitty) and XENIA (pronounced SEN-yah. She’s the sandy coloured Ginger kitty). Jorja is about 7 weeks old and Xenia is about 9 weeks old.

Now AGNES, 22′s pet, and last week’s Chedda-Kitty photo, has a couple of cute furry cousins

a little late = 23/52 photo

Chedda-kitty

new creature in Christ = 22/52 photo(s) of the week

Okay this is technically a day late. 13 had my camera and pictures down in Nova Scotia, and I am in New Brunswick. I had to wait for him to get back home, which he did today.

22 (A.K.A. Corbin, my first born) claimed Jesus Christ as his personal Saviour many years ago. He was barely 4 years old when he made his first prayer of salvation. Around the age of 13 he reaffirmed that decision and has grown and matured steadily in his walk with Jesus ever since. He had seen many children, youth and adults getting baptised over the years, but he never seemed to see or understand the point – and he wanted to. He didn’t want to get baptised just because everyone else was doing it. He wanted to understand the why, and make that step when he was completely ready and understood it. About a year or so ago, he and I had a conversation about baptism. I told him all I knew, and all about John the Baptist and even our Lord Jesus being baptised before He started His ministry for the Lord. Corbin still wanted to understand it more.

So he asked me questions, he prayed, talked to friends who had been baptised, found a good online resource, and (of course) sought out the Lord through His Word . . . What was it? Why was it necessary? Did you have to do it? and a myriad of other very good questions. He has a scientist’s mind, and a dreamer’s heart, and an unyielding love for Jesus, so it makes for an interesting life.

Early in January of this year he told me he wanted to be Baptised! Praise the Lord!!!

Back in, I believe, March, he talked to his pastor. He professed his faith and told his life story to his pastor and the church elders/deacons and everything was a go. Except. He asked them if he could wait until I could be there to see it too. They were gracious and wholeheartedly agreed.

This all came to fruition this past Sunday. Not only was I able to be there, but 11 and 13 as well. Corbin was just thrilled that his Dad agreed to be there too. We had some absolutely dear friends-who-are-family there too, the Hodders, Adams and Milligans too!

So I have two pictures for this week …

puppy love = 21/52 week photo

No matter how you look at it, this picture reflects puppy love. My girl, 11, loves her puppy, Jethro. Jethro loves my girl, 11. I took this with my phone camera while we were on the road. We were driving from our place in QC to my son’s place in NB. It’s an 11 hour trip. We started out at 5:30am, so 11 chose to stay in her PJ’s and catch some more Zzzzzzzs, until our breakfast break at 8:30am. I clicked this pic about 15min before that break. Don’t they look cozy and cuddly?

smokin’ deals!

My very dear friend Claudia uses this expression. I love it. It usually justly describes some awesome sale we found while out on our somewhat regular second hand store ‘dates’. You know, we leave the kiddos at home, some random afternoon or morning, and we go off to enjoy our guilty pleasure – bargain shopping. Like I said, generally at the local second hand shops and church run stores. We have a blast. We either start early in the day and have a late breakfast out, or meet up for lunch and then off we go for our shopping fun. Along the way we share what’s been going on in our lives, laugh – a lot, and point out and hold up the treasures we see and find saying, “Look at this one.” or “What do you think of this?” or “That would look great on you, go try it on!”. At least once during out timeout, Claudia will utter the words, “That’s a smokin’ deal there, Lis!” .

So in honour of our missed adventures over the last two months (didn’t get out in April, and won’t in May), here’s my smokin’ deals for this month. I decided, on a whim, to go in this clothing store in our mall, which I have never set foot in, since it opened about 4/5 years ago. It just looks like one of those keep-going-the-prices-will-not-be-budget-friendly kind of stores. I was drawn in by a $5 rack of nice quality Ts. I didn’t find anything I liked, or for $5 either. I nearly left the store in disgust at my notion of ‘false advertising’ because the rack upon closer inspection stated $5 or more. Grumble. Grumble. However I was drawn like a magnet to the back of the store, by one of my most favourite words in full price stores – LIQUIDATION. It was the section for last season’s fashion line. I tend to buy mostly classical clothing pieces, with just a very few trendy bits to keep my wardrobe somewhat current. So this is what I look for on all liquidation racks. I definitely found some awesome deals on those racks today. I paid $47.85 for my purchases. However, I should have paid $318.92 for them. I saved $271.07, a whopping 85%. For this I got: 2 knee length black skirt, with leather-like accents for $1 each (reg. $49.99). 1 knee length navy/black plaid skirt for $6 (reg. $59.99). 1 ‘flute’ or ‘trumpet’ skirt, just below my knee length for $10 (reg. $69.99). 2 pair of canvas slip on shoes, they were on sale 2 pair for $24.99. (One is red/black/white plaid, the other plain black. They were reg. $24.99 per pair). Oh and of course all applicable taxes, can’t forget those taxes, but sure wish I could sometimes.

Needless to say, It was a very good sale day, indeedy.

Mama = 19/52 week photo

My mother. This is the very last picture I took of her, before she passed away November 2nd, 2002. It is also the last time I saw her alive, hugged her, or gave her raspberry kisses.
A Mother of Four

A Mother of four lay,
One year ago today,
In a sterile ward,

Fighting her last battle.

A Mother of four quietly listened,
As three nurses softly sang,
Silent night, Holy night,
Away in A Manger, What child is this?

A Mother of four,
Leaves this world for another,
While a doctor futilely works,
To hold her in this one, a while longer.

A Mother of four passes quietly away . . .

Far away a telephone rings,
A heartbroken, “No!”,
Tore from trembling lips,
A telephone smashes against a wall.

A Mother of five,
Sits bereft and weeping,
crying out from her soul,
“Why, my Lord, could there be no goodbyes?”

A Mother of five,
Gathers her treasures ‘round her,
To a mother, a Nannie, a love,
They must struggle to say goodbye,
. . .

A Mother of five,
Child to a Mother of four,
Sheds her tears, says a soft prayer,
Finally saying “I love you Momma, Goodbye.”

A poem I initially wrote on the anniversary of my Mother’s passing.

carnival rides = week 18/52 photo(s), take 1

How not to parent a height/speed skittish 11yr old at the carnival, part 1.

11 was invited to go to the carnival with her friend, Melody, today. She went and had a blast. Later in the afternoon, she and her brothers, 13, 18 and 20, met up with me at the local mall, where the carnival was set up. I decided to take her and 13 back to the carnival, while 18 and 20 fed their appetites at the local pizza place. She had a carnie bracelet which was still good until closing tonight.

While we were there I talked her into going on this thing called The Free Fall. Now last year she went on this ride called 1001 Nights – and was terrified. Swore she’d never ever ever go on it again. Imagine my surprise when she was skipping around me, with sparkling, proud and happy eyes telling me all about how today she and Melody went on that ride 4 times!!! So I figured she must have conquered her fear of heights and speed, so the next two moments of questionable parenting is based on this erroneous theory of mine. I should point out that due to an as yet unexplained, but protracted, issue with pain in the back of my head and neck, I was unable to accompany her on any rides. Oh, and I’m a chicken. I have never gone on any ride which is more than 4 to 5 feet off the ground, with only one marked exception (an indoor roller coaster). This was about 10 years or so ago.

11 was pretty hesitant about going on The Free Fall. I foolishly talked her into it. I talked about “conquering her fears” and “remember how scared you were about 1001 Nights last year and look at you this year” and well ….more of the same. She very hesitantly agreed to give it a whirl.

Well . . . to be perfectly frank, it did NOT go well. The Free Fall is a ride which slooooowly takes you up a *needle* like pole what appears to be about 25 – 30ft in the air. Then, as it’s name clearly states, it free falls VERY FAST straight back down to about 5′ off the platform, then slows down to come to a gentle rest. 11 apparently started CRYING about 20 or so feet in the air, just anticipating the sudden drop to come. No one could even hear her at that height, we only found out when she got back down into view. She was clutching the thickly padded harness bars and sobbing. By the time she came to rest on the ground she was nigh on hysterical. Lots of hugging from a contrite Mama to make up for suggesting it. If I can ever figure out how to attach the video I took, I’ll add it. Right now still photos will have to do.

11 is right in the front, you can't even see her feet!

How not to parent a height/speed skittish 11yr old at the carnival, part 2.
13 bought enough tickets to go on one ride. Then 18 and 20 also decided to get enough tickets for one ride too. I suggested this intriguing looking ride called the KamiKazi, for everyone. We’d seen it at several traveling carnivals over the years, but I don’t think any of the children had ever tried it out. After the Free Fall incident, 11 was more than hesitant. However, since her brothers were going too, and she could sit right beside 13, (who has a major protective streak for sister) she bravely relented.

OH. MY. WORD! It was BAAAAAD!, and that’s putting it mildly. She started screaming about 10 seconds into the ride, when it went backwards instead of forwards at the beginning. It had made a slight forward motion and then all of a sudden hauled butt backwards. She was right up front with windows all around her. It moves like a giant pendulum. When it started backward, she started screaming, by the time it pendulum-ed back towards me, about 15seconds into the ride, she had covered her face with her hands, ducked down as far as the rigid harnessing system would allow her (not far), and was just screaming. Oh and not one of those ‘wheeeeeeee isn’t this a blast’ screams, but one of those right from your toes frightened out of your wits screams. What I didn’t know about this ride is it flips right upside down at four different points in the ride and just hangs there for about 5 or so seconds, before it drops back into it’s pendulum motions and begins the whole horrible cycle again. According to 13, she started crying when the thing flipped upside down and didn’t stop crying or screaming for the rest of the ride. This ride seemed to go on forever. At least the Free Fall was only ONE trip up and then down, and done.

There is trepidation there, but willingness.

13 was hugging her, and 18 (right behind her) was patting her and trying to sooth her, but all to no avail. (20 was fundamentally useless, as he was just laughing – hard – at the whole situation. Now he loves his sister, and doesn’t like her to be hurt or upset, but he said he couldn’t help it, it was just something straight out of a Hollywood kids movie to him, and he couldn’t stop laughing). 11, did not find it amusing at all, she was nearly green when she finally touched ground again. She buried her face in my stomach and just sobbed when she got back on terra firma. She was shaking. She was pale. Fortunately, she really loves her Mama, so forgave me almost immediately. Truly I felt horrible for having her go on the ride.

Alas, apparently I have an evil side to me too, because in a very strange way it was also the funniest thing to see. So I was saying, ‘there there’ while trying to keep any inkling of laughter out of my voice – it was not an easy task. She was the only one on the thing who just cowered there in her pendulum swinging tube prison, with her hands firmly pressed to her whole face – screaming! She told me she did peak twice, when the thing stopped. Unfortunately, it was stopped because they were hanging upside down for those 5 seconds. She said it was a horrible feeling, and sight, and after the second time, she kept her eyes squeezed shut and exercised both her lungs and tear ducts profusely for the duration. She has proclaimed she will never go on either ride again, “For as long as I live!!!!!”. 11 has her Mama’s oddball sense of humour, and by the end of our evening she was able to see the humour of the situation though. I’m wondering if I’m ‘truly forgiven though.

I regained some of my tarnished parenting points, by rounding out the day by taking us all off to Tim Horton’s. Some extra large hot chocolates for 11 and 13, French Vanillas for 18 and 20, and a nice hot Earl Grey (or is that Gray??) tea for me, and a box of doughnuts for all of us to share, went a long way to making things all better.

(If you click on the pictures, you can see them full size. )

voting day

Get out there and vote, everyone. I’m heading out as soon as 18 and 20 get home to go to the polls with me. 22 already did his civic duty before heading off to school today. It’s 18′s first election, so I’m hauling my camera along to document history in the making, too.